Opening
Teams invest in culture decks and onboarding programmes and still watch new people quietly withdraw. The missing piece is rarely process. It is whether people can be themselves and still feel supported.
What I brought to the conversation
I brought a definition of belonging shaped by Brene Brown's distinction. Fitting in is being included for the talk they want to hear. Belonging is being accepted and supported as your authentic self. You can mask and fit into an environment and still leave wondering why you feel disconnected.
I told the story behind the definition. After moving to Canada mid-pandemic and reconnecting with myself first, I heard clearly that I needed to help people feel connected. I brought my Melbourne exchange friends together in a live digital event, eight invited, five came, and sending that invitation took months because it felt vulnerable.
Then the eco village. My family moved into an intentional community on Vancouver Island for four months, an intensive module of my learning. Beautiful heart circles every Friday, but our focuses differed. I cared about social sustainability, the village about the environmental piece. I proposed improvements and felt pushback. I felt judged and I withdrew from being my authentic self, which is the sharpest proof of the definition I can offer.
I connected it to organisations. My ERG story, building belonging from an initiative rather than a mandate. And the question I am researching now, how do we nurture belonging for international recruits and people who join as distributed team members, in their personal lives as much as their professional ones, because a fulfilled personal life spills over into the team.
"You feel a sense of belonging when you're accepted as your most authentic self and you're feeling supported included whilst being yourself"
The question that opened it up
Josephine asked me to define belonging. Answering it honestly, with the eco village story attached, turned the conversation from theory into lived evidence, and the definition became the spine of the whole episode.
What that conversation confirmed for me
It confirmed that belonging is measured in moments of withdrawal. You learn where belonging is missing not from surveys alone but from noticing where people stop being themselves.
Three things to try this week
- Name the difference out loud this week. Ask your team where they feel they are fitting in rather than belonging.
- Before asking something intimate of a colleague, share something of yourself first. Peel back one layer, not three.
- Welcome a new joiner by asking what they want to contribute, then protect the space for them to say it.
Listen and go deeper
https://gearedforgrowth.biz/ and Shelley's site https://www.thecommuniverse.com
A closing question for Josephine's listeners: where in your organisation do people most feel they are fitting in rather than belonging? If you would like Shelley to bring this work to your leadership team or event, explore https://www.thecommuniverse.com/speaking What would your team say if you asked them today?